My stupid brother has tricked me into the worst holiday ever, on the Island of No Return. I'm stuck here with just a chicken for company unless I can find some treasure - then Blackbeard says he will come and get me (nice of him). All I have to do is follow a treasure map through a jungle full of pirate-eating creatures (no problem), into the deepest, darkest probably-haunted cave (not at all scary) and track down the hidden gold that is so well hidden everyone gets lost trying to find it (perfect). My life is ruined. Signed Pirate Blunderbeard.

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