Envision for a moment, the following nonsensical sportscast: “Only seventeen seconds remain on the clock as we near the end of the sixth inning. The soccer ball is caught by Right End Tom King, only 9 yards from home plate. “To keep from being called for ‘Traveling,’ King dribbles the ball but still manages to get past the Goalie without being tackled. Moments later he slam-dunks the ball through the basket to score a touchdown and the Cattails win the game.” It wouldn’t take much of a sports enthusiast to realize something was strangely amiss with this “game,” as the rules and terms from soccer, baseball, basketball and football were all intermixed into one bewildering event. And, with millions of die-hard sports fans across America who intricately know every rule and regulation of their favored sport, there is about zero chance any huckster would succeed in passing this off as a legitimate game. But, replace the game with politics, law and government, and tragically the most sacred of our country’s founding legal and moral principles may be substituted by their polar opposites with nothing but the weak objections of a few government watchdogs. That our written Constitution seems less-fixed than the rules of sports undoubtedly has a great deal to do with the widespread difference of understanding between the two. Given that the average American understands the rules of sports far better than of government, it will ultimately prove easier to show how important governing principles have been cleverly circumvented if a story is told where complicated legal principles are substituted with simple rules of sports. *The Peculiar Conundrum* is a sports allegory that lays bare two centuries of government nonsense. It exposes the odd phenomenon of members of Congress and federal officials seemingly acting contrary to founding principles with impunity, so we may finally end the methodical push toward absolute tyranny.