This gift-humour, spoof manual is a one-stop shop for new vampires everywhereBeing turned into a vampire is the easy part. Actually becoming a vampire is far more difficult. What to look for in a coffin? How to lure the tastiest prey? How to stay on trend over the centuries? Garlic and sunlight - as dangerous as they'd have us believe? In today's world of vampire-obsessed pop culture, misinformation abounds. A newly turned vampire who looks to films and novels for answers to everlasting life's question risks being reduced to a smouldering pile of dust. So where can you, a neophyte immortal, turn for reliable information about leading your best and bloodiest existence? The New Vampire's Handbook is the definitive guide, and includes: - a head-to-toe look at your vampiric body: how to harness your new powers to dispatch mortal enemies, maintain your fangs, and embrace your vampirosexuality - methods for luring prey, faking your way through meals, approaching other vampires, and creating a four-hundred-year financial plan - tips on acting your "age," behaving appropriately if you see a human you knew decades ago, and dealing with epic vampire feuds - essential advice for blending in with the masses, from finding a coven to avoiding the media (and mirrors) to staying on top of the latest fashion trends Welcome to the night.